You, the Gun, the End of the World
by underpuddles
Summary: Somehow it always comes back to the same three things: -You -The gun -The end of the world


Somehow it always comes back to the same three things:

"Here we go round the prickly pear, prickly pear, prickly pear,"

-You

-The gun

-The end of the world

"Here we go round the prickly pear at five o clock in the morning."

I was stopped by the train tracks the day they found us.  
They stopped me and they asked me,  
Name, age, language?  
I told them my age, they laughed.  
I told them my name, they laughed.  
I politely answered - in my native language - the tongue I preferred.  
They told me to get off the drugs  
And gave me a gun.

Between the idea

[FAST-FORWARD]:

The gun.  
The gun, the bullet, the brains.  
I blew out my brains at the train tracks.

And the reality,

[RESET]:

The gun.  
The gun, the bullet, the head [- dark, overgrown strands; unwashed, each ending at a tiny, careless split.]  
My finger froze on the trigger when yours [gently, always so gently] wrapped around my wrist.

Between the motion

[RESET]:

The gun.  
The gun, the gun, the gun.  
Oh, the chill of the barrel kissing my temple.  
It wants in, it wants in, it wants in.  
It wants to blow into my brain and blow out what it finds on the other side.  
It wants release; I want release.  
It wants, it wants, I want.  
You hit me with a crowbar and I fall, I fall, I fall - clitter-clat.

And the act

[REWIND]:

I wake up in a white room.

[Crazy.]

My eyes are white,

mal-adjusted.

[I was crazy once.]

I hate the color white;  
almost as much as I hate blue -  
the color of the sky.

[They locked me in a room.]

The door is locked.  
The door is locked.  
No, no.  
The door can't be locked.  
No no no no no no non I ne-

"O that this too too solid flesh would melt,"

-ed the gun.

"Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew."

I need-

[A rubber room.]

The door is stuck.

[With rubber mice.]

The gun, the gun, the gun.

[I hate rubber mice.]

I swallow without spit.

My throat is dry.

You're asleep on the couch.

The gun is underneath the pillow.

[The cheese. The cheese makes me crazy.]

You blink.

I blink.

Your eyes are-  
"Adorations, fertile tears, groans that thunder love, sighs of fire,"

[Crazy. I was crazy once.]

Green, blue, hazel, bursting galaxies of intent;

[They locked me in a room.]

A lightless swamp;

[I loved that room.]

The setting of my chosen death,  
"Shape without form, shade without colour,  
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;"

[I died in that room.]

A flicker of resistance surrounded by the milky waters of pale, blue...

[They buried me where the flowers grew.]

Beautiful.

"For Thine is  
Life is  
For Thine is the..."

[The flowers grew up and the roots grew down.]

You shift, you sigh.  
I quietly retrieve the gun.

[A worm tickled my nose.]

The gun, the gun, the gun...

[That drove me crazy.]

The gun, the gun-  
But there,  
The eyes...

[Crazy. I was crazy once...]

"This is the way the world ends,  
This is the way the world ends,"

Falls the Shadow.

"This is the way the world ends,  
Not with a bang but a whimper."

* * *

References:

Hamlet's 1st Soliloquy:

"O that this too too solid flesh would melt,  
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!"

Twelfth Night:

"With adorations, fertile tears, with groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire!"

The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot:

"Here we go round the prickly pear, prickly pear, prickly pear  
Here we go round the prickly pear at five o clock in the morning."

"Shape without form, shade without colour,  
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;"

"This is the way the world ends,  
This is the way the world ends,  
This is the way the world ends,  
Not with a bang but a whimper."

"Between the idea  
And the reality  
Between the motion  
And the act  
Falls the Shadow."

"For Thine is  
Life is  
For Thine is the"

"Crazy. I was crazy once...":

"Crazy. I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. With rubber mice. I hate rubber mice. The cheese. The cheese makes me crazy. Crazy. I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. I loved that room. I died in that room. They buried me where the flowers grew. The flowers grew up and the roots grew down. A worm tickled my nose. That drove me crazy. Crazy. I was crazy once..."


End file.
